Where do our values actually come from?

Photo by Charlie Firth on Unsplash

In my last blog, I wrote about staying connected to yourself as we start to reconnect with others. There’s no doubt that in the last year, we’ve all re-evaluated and questioned what’s important. We’ve also recognised the value in the simple things; connecting with nature, time to pause, a moment to reflect.

But do you know what’s really important to you? Most of us have a sense of it, but many of us haven’t truly figured it out. After all, what are values? We hear about them all the time. Brand values. Company values. Personal values.

"Values are like fingerprints. Nobody's are the same, but you leave 'em all over everything you do." Elvis Presley

Put simply, your values should reflect the things that are most important to you; not just at work, but in how you live. But more than that, they can determine how you behave, what motivates you and the decisions you make. And, let’s be honest, when you don’t feel aligned to them, you’ll probably feel ‘off track’.

When you’re crystal clear on your values and you’re living by them, life feels good. But when you’re not, that’s when things start to feel, well…..off. You have a feeling of discontentment that you just can’t seem to shake.

So where do our values come from? Aren’t they just a core part of who we are? Well, yes and no. There are no ‘right or wrong’ values. Some of them may stay the same throughout your life, whereas others may change as your priorities change. They may evolve as you evolve.

Understanding, identifying and keeping in touch with your values is an ongoing exercise. Whenever you start to feel ‘itchy’, and can’t quite put your finger on why, it’s often because something that’s really important to you isn’t being honoured.

But first, let’s look at where they come from.

Societal values. ‘Society’ places value on money and success. Consumerism places value on possessions. Marketing places value on brands. The ‘economy’ values year-on-year growth on a finite planet. But, societal values can shift. Increasingly, we’re demanding sustainability, ethical supply chains, and we’re holding companies accountable. As our awareness grows, the societal ‘itch’ gets louder, and our collective values start to change. What wider values have started to change for you?

Upbringing. OK, so this is a biggie. The values we are brought up with have a huge influence on us. Think about what your parents valued, or what you were taught in school. For example, ‘stability’ might be embedded in your consciousness, when in fact you’re more of a risk taker. So, the expectations we grow up with may not align with what we really want; eventually you may find yourself protesting against these values more symbolically. But, ask yourself this - what are your values and ideas of success, and how do they compare to your upbringing?

Personal situation. Our values can evolve over time. For example, when you’re in your twenties, personal success – measured by money and status – might be a top priority. But after you have a family, or as you get older, work-life balance may be much more important. Big life events can also make us re-evaluate what’s important. This is why they’re not static – while some things may always be important to us, other aspects may change. What life experiences have changed your view?

Gut instincts / personality. I truly believe that some of our values are innate. That deep down, we have gut instincts; a sense of how we want to ‘be’ in the world. Maybe, in reality, they’re actually a combination of the influences I’ve already mentioned. For example, when I think about my own values, I can definitely acknowledge a number of external experiences that have influenced them. But others feel part of my personality. By understanding what’s important, and what I really value, I feel a more deep-rooted connection to myself. Those values are what motivate me, and make me feel alive. They feel like ‘me’.

Getting really clear on your values can take some deeper exploration, especially if you’ve never focused on it before. So, take a moment this week to reflect on where you think your values might have come from. Instead of leaping straight to “What are my values?”, ask yourself “What is really important to me?’ or, ‘What do I want more of in my life?”

Need some more inspiration? You can also sign up for my ‘10 Big Questions’ free download here.

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